


I Wish I Could Hate You

by SaiyanPrincess3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Drinking, F/M, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiyanPrincess3/pseuds/SaiyanPrincess3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam breaks up with the reader for her own safety only to run into her again while she’s hunting alone a year and a half later</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Could Hate You

 The air in the bunker was thick with tension. Everyone had frozen in place and you couldn't breathe. You couldn't believe the words you'd just heard from Sam's lips. _“[Y/N], I can't do this anymore. I'm done._ _You're not safe with us anymore._ _”_ Dean had just walked into the library with a beer and if you weren’t stunned you would have been shocked that he didn't drop it.

Sam was shaking and you had no idea what had brought this on. Yesterday, you were fine, everything was okay and the two of you had spent the day together. You barely registered when Dean backed out of the room to give the two of you your privacy. Sam finally spoke again and his words cut into the wound he'd just created. “Please just leave.” You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes and wiped them away furiously before they could spill over.

“But you're my home… How can you say I'm not safe here?” Your voice was shaking and you could barely contain your tears now. How could he be doing this?

“No, [Y/N], I'm not. You need to go. It's for your own good.” Your feet were rooted to the ground. You wanted to believe he was going to drop the apathetic expression and smile before laughing and telling you this was all just a cruel joke. You couldn't stop staring at the man you loved looking for any sign that he didn't really want this, anything that would hold you there and give you another reason to fight. When you didn't find anything you had to steel yourself and save whatever dignity you had left.

“Fine, Sam. I don't need you either.” You turned on your heel and walked out of the room before he could see you start crying. When you reached the room you had shared with him for the last two years you pulled your duffle bag out of the closet and frantically started throwing all of your possessions in it. Everything you owned fit in that bag. You grabbed your keys and practically ran through the bunker trying to avoid either Winchester. Of course you couldn't have any good luck.

Dean was in the garage waiting for you by your car. “I'm sorry, [Y/N]. You don't have to leave, you know? Sam doesn't control who lives in the bunker.” You shook your head feeling the tears you'd been fighting make another appearance. He went to pull you into a hug and you couldn't help but shove him away.

“Don't touch me, Dean.” You instantly felt bad for your reaction when you watched the pain flash across his face before he composed himself and nodded sharply.

“I'm really sorry. I thought you two were the real thing.” You looked up at him incredulously.

“It was real. It was real to me.” The tears were pouring down your cheeks now and you couldn't do anything to stop them. Everything in your world had just crashed. You'd have to go back to hunting alone, like you had before you met the Winchesters. You'd have nowhere to call home now, besides crappy motels, and you'd live on diner food again. Dean didn't try to comfort you physically a second time. He just offered a small nod and took your duffle off your shoulder and put it in your trunk. You looked in and realized all your weapons were still in the Impala. “Dean… Can you…” He seemed to know what you meant and headed over to Baby.

After he was done moving all of your weapons and tools from his trunk to yours you climbed into your beat up old Taurus. Dean was by your window waiting for you to roll it down. With a sigh you complied and he leaned down. “You really don't have to leave, [Y/N].” You offered him a sad smile.

“Yeah I do, Dean. I can't live here and look at him every day knowing that what we had never meant anything to him.”

Dean sighed and rested a hand on your arm and you didn't push him away this time. “I'm really sorry.”

It was your turn to sigh and you closed your eyes. “Stop saying you're sorry. It's not your fault.”

He nodded again and stepped away tapping the top of your car twice. You watched Dean grow smaller in your rear view mirror as you pulled out of the garage and away from the only life you'd known for two years.

 

It had been eighteen months since you'd laid eyes on Sam Winchester. Eighteen months since you'd felt him hold you in his arms. Eighteen months since you'd had any sort of reliable backup on a hunt. It wasn't ideal, hunting alone, but you couldn't find bring yourself to find a partner. You'd been working almost nonstop, though. Every case that you caught wind of you tracked down and took care of. That was how you found yourself in a tiny town just outside of Seattle. You had finished hunting a pack of ghouls and were winding down at the local dive bar when you heard the familiar laugh as the bell rang on the door. Your blood ran cold as you turned around and saw the man you'd hoped to never see again walk in the bar.

Dean caught sight of you just a moment before Sam and his expression reflected your own, pure shock. When you turned your gaze to Sam he didn't look much different. You watched as he leaned down and said something to Dean quietly. Dean shook his head and you heard the anger in his voice when he responded. “No, Sam. You made that bed now you fucking lie in it. She's probably here for the same damn case we are.” Sam shot him a bitch face to rival any you'd seen before Dean made his way over to you.

“Hey, sweetheart. What's it lookin' like here?” You waved the bartender over as you downed the rest of your beer.

“No case. It was a pack of ghouls.” Dean raised an eyebrow looking at you impressed.

“You and your partner take care of it?” You shook your head and ordered two shots of whiskey from the young woman that had come over at your signaling.

“I don't have a hunting partner, Dean. It's just me, but yeah, I took care of it.” Sam sat down on the bar stool next to Dean and you tensed immediately. The last thing you wanted to do tonight was talk to him. You threw back the two shots you'd ordered and waved for two more. Dean held up two fingers to show he wanted two as well.

“So, it's taken care of? You're sure?” You nodded and trained your gaze on a liquor bottle in front of you.

“Yep, it's fine. Little ol' me can still hunt.” Dean chuckled quietly and shook his head.

“You always did well alone.” You were shocked Sam didn't snap his neck as he turned to stare at you incredulously.

“You're hunting alone again?!” You finally looked at the younger Winchester. His hazel eyes were drilling holes into you as he stared at you incredulously.

“Yeah, not that it's really your business. I hunted alone before you, I'm doing it again now.” Sam looked angry at your words and Dean shot him a look that told him to shut up. “Anyways, you guys don't have anything to do here. Sorry you came all this way for nothing.” The green eyed hunter shrugged and tossed back the shots the bartender had just set in front of him.

“Not a big deal. Wanna snag a case together?” Dean looked at you hopefully and it was your turn to take your shots before you could answer.

“I don't think so, Dean. I'm used to being alone again and…” You let your voice trail out before shooting a quick glance in Sam's direction. He didn't fail to notice like you'd hoped.

“You know, I'm right here.” You rolled your eyes, the alcohol was starting to take effect.

“Yeah, I know.” Sam shot a glare your way and you responded with one of your own before he stood up and made to leave. “How is leaving so easy for you?” The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. Sam slowly turned back to look at you.

“What do you want from me? I haven't seen you in a year and a half! Everything that's coming out of your mouth is dripping in hatred, so what do you want?” You glared again and stood up to face him, well you faced his chest before you tilted your head up.

“I wish I could hate you.” Sam's face fell before he looked away. “There was never a real chance for us, was there?” Sam shook his head before he turned and walked out of the bar.

You looked back to Dean with tears in your eyes. “Why does it hurt so much?”

He pulled you into a hug and placed a kiss on your temple. “Because it was real.”


End file.
